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We will lick your tears

“Safe Word” views.

Before i post my view on “Safe Words” i would like to hear from Y/you. 

It goes without saying.. “Safe, Sane, Consensual.  “  But do Y/you believe that “Safe Words” should be kept for the duration of Y/your relationship with Your P/partner?  Could it be possible that – there is a level of trust, love, knowledge of the O/other person — that the “Safe Words” are no longer necessary?  Or, do You (as a Dominant?) believe that safe words may be used by the submissive as a “cushion” to get out of whatever is happening? OR do Y/you firmly believe that safe words stay permanently?

Here is a link to an article from a submissive that had their safe word(s) removed by the Dominant:

http://www.literotica.com/s/no-safe-words-1

Here is a Gorean Master’s view on .. well, it centers on the differences between BDSM and Gor – but does mention “Safe Words” :

http://www.housemalkinius.com/zwgorbdsm.html

A submissive’s (BDSM) view on safe words in *general*:

http://subshelpingsubs.tripod.com/articles/astudyofsafewords.html

Leave Y/your thoughts please? 

~connie

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2 thoughts on ““Safe Word” views.

  1. Safe words are like fire extinguishers. You may live in your house for decades and hopefully never need one. But that one time you do, you are damn glad to have it there.

    Odds are, as a couple progresses in their D/s relationship, the use and/or need for safe words will diminish. That does not mean you should discard them.

    One main reason to keep them is to give the submissive the gift of audible surrender. They can plead and beg and cry and scream for mercy in the most frantic, hysterical state of scene play…and the Dominant, while of course completely focused on them, can in essence ignore them. Because they didn’t say the safe word.

    There should also be, in the case of gag use, safe signs. These can be conveyed without the ability to speak. Once again this gives the submissive the freedom to use every ounce of their ability to feel, yet as long as the don’t sign the safe sign the Dominant can continue.

    It also ensures that the submissive has the final authority, the last word, on everything. A Dominant can do a multitude of unspeakably arousing and viscous things, bind them helpless, gag them, etc….but one word and it all stops.

    To me, a Dominant who does not believe in safe words is a bully. Period. Its easy to be powerful when there is no fear of repercussion.

    Its a no brainer to me. It makes sense, and its a powerful tool/toy used by both, perhaps THE most powerful tool/toy there is.

  2. LittleDommeKnit on said:

    I have had this discussion many times over as a group organizer for the under 35 crowd. I agree that safe words are of the upmost importance especially in new relationships or when playing with new people.

    However for Daddy and i we don’t really use them anymore. We have been together for a long enough time that he can read my and gauge where I am at without being told. That being said we also constantly discuss new activities before and after to ensure we are always on the same page. Granted we have a different relationship than D/s relationships I have had in the past.

    But for me that level of trust and understanding takes a very, very long time to achieve and it requires an almost exhausting level of communication to achieve. It works for us. Especially since I like things such as “consensual non-consent” which for me can only be fun when there is no out. The fantasy wouldn’t be fun for me but we do negotiate before each time. I trust him enough to know he will stay within the safety of my boundaries and not do anything to permanently harm me physically or emotionally.

    I will finish with… safe words have a reason for existing. They are a great communication tool to have onboard in your relationship and play. They allow you to safely get to know your partner without fear of being harmed in a non-consensual manner. A Dominant respecting those boundaries is what separates the “Dominants” from the “Abusers”

    Anyway that is my 2 cents.

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